7 Questions Answered by Top Wedding Officiants
The anxiety couples experience while crossing the wedding planning threshold is oddly similar to the wave of anxiety you get when opening a box filled with a thousand puzzle pieces. The hopeful uncertainty of it all can be overwhelming.
Focusing on the key elements, like the wedding officiant, is a perfect place to start. Not only do they fulfill the requirements set forth by marriage laws, but also help guide the pace and mood of your special day.
However, much like the inevitable lost puzzle piece in the couch cushions, the pandemic adds yet another annoying layer - leaving couples with some unanswered questions.
I reached out and asked some highly experienced wedding officiants in the Los Angeles area common and COVID questions to hopefully relieve some of that prenuptial anxiety.
But first, let’s meet our wedding officiants:
Before Rev. Monica Abbott started her wedding business, she worked in the corporate world as a software engineer where 12-hour workdays were typical. Family being extremely important to her, she wanted to create a business where she could work from home. She recounted her own experience with the wedding officiant she and her husband hired for their intimate wedding and had a realization. The wedding officiant’s role requires interpersonal, organizational, and clerical skills - all of which she had mastered in the corporate world. These skills, combined with her unconditional warmth and compassion, inspired the opening of A & S Wedding Officiants. Ten years later, she works alongside her husband, Reverend Jeffrey Smith, and daughter Claudia Abbott. Claudia, who recently graduated from Cal-State Long Beach with a Bachelors in Communication, is A & S Wedding Officiant’s Social Media and Marketing Associate, making it a genuine family-owned and operated business.
Rev. Jon Olson began officiating weddings 24-years ago in his church as a minister. Transitioning from ceremonies performed entirely within the church to weddings out in the community was an important step for Jon because it bridged his communities together. Jon is undoubtedly a dynamic public speaker, drawing from his years of unique experience. From his position as a music director in commercial radio to his stint as a broadcast host for Microsoft, he has perfected the art of speechwriting. He has embraced new traditions and ceremonial practices through his extensive traveling, which is evident in his diverse repertoire of performed ceremony types. Well-known for his love of motorcycles, Jon often arrives on two wheels to his scheduled weddings earning him the nickname "The Motorcycle Minister."
Elizabeth Babinski’s story begins like many officiants before her. It started with an ordinary dinner with friends, a flash of an engagement ring, followed by the question: Would you do us the honor of officiating our wedding? But the saying, “When it rains, it pours,” holds true, as her story continued. The following day at work, Liz’s friend revealed his intention of proposing to his long-time boyfriend and his concern about the lack of LGBTQ- friendly vendors. Her passion for writing and her quest for equality motivated her to become a wedding officiant. Now, with over five hundred performed weddings, she found the field she thrives in.
1. Do wedding officiants request a personal meeting with their prospective couples?
That would be a unanimous YES! Although not a requirement in most cases, getting to know your wedding officiant is extremely important and can prove very beneficial, making your wedding day even more special.
Monica explained that couples “spend a very intimate part of their day” with their officiant, and it’s imperative “to be comfortable with this person.” There’s nothing more awkward than witnessing a disconnect between a couple and their officiant. Think of this person as an extended family member.
Be open and honest. Liz believes that providing details, such as how you met, where you’ve traveled, or even what pizza you both like, can be beneficial. Sometimes the lesser details paint a bigger picture.
And if you are not ready for a socially-distant, in-person meeting, Jon believes phone or Zoom calls work just as fine.
You’ll be surprised how many choices there are! So, set aside plenty of time for these one-on-ones and - have fun!
2. Do wedding officiants help couples with their vows?
Absolutely! Writing vows can be overwhelming for brides and grooms alike. With much to consider, couples should utilize these experienced individuals when encountering the vow writer's block.
Monica, who writes ceremonies from scratch, uses her prenuptial conversations to determine what type of ceremony and vows works best for the couple. For instance, one of her couples shared their love for movies. Using her creative side, she weaved quotes from their favorite movies into their ceremony and vows, successfully creating one of her most memorable weddings to date.
To make vows more approachable for couples, Liz published The Vow Journal, a daily guided journal that helps couples write vows in under 30 days. She explains:
“I really want the vows to come from the couple themselves (instead of my writing), and I’ve found that the prompts really help without overwhelming them. I try to keep couples from Googling vows because there’s nothing worse than saying a bunch of cliches from the internet to your partner.”
3. What types of ceremonies do you perform?
Interestingly enough, each had the same answer - they perform all types of ceremonies. Regardless if they haven’t performed a particular type of ceremony, they understand love. Love is the universal language that they speak fluently.
4. How much do wedding officiants cost?
Depends. There really isn’t a fixed price for a wedding officiant. Jon explained that it “varies greatly depending on location, time of year, day of the week, travel time, type of ceremony....”
Each officiant is unique and prices vary from one to another. It’s recommended you double-check the final total and ask what’s included in the price. You’ll be surprised to see the many add-ons you may, or may not require.
5. How has COVID affected the wedding officiant business?
When the pandemic boiled over in March of 2020, the Los Angeles County Clerk’s office closed - completely shutting down the wedding industry. From weddings being canceled to concerns about postponement, Monica recalled several tear-jerking phone calls with desperate couples needing to get married. Whether it was expiring visas or legal uncertainty regarding medical decisions, Monica’s hands were tied, stating “there’s nothing I could do.”
When the county reopened and marriage licenses began being issued, the wedding industry had changed. The main difference for Jon: large weddings had been “replaced by micro-weddings” with just “immediate family and close friends in accordance.”
And even though the pandemic brought unbelievable hardships, it hasn’t entirely been negative. “Ceremonies,” Liz explained, “are much more intimate and emotional…the pandemic allowed me to really grow closer to our couples in a way that I haven’t been able to previously because so much of planning a regular wedding takes an enormous amount of focus away from the ceremony, which is really the only thing that matters.”
6. How have you adapted to the pandemic way?
Adapting to the new pandemic way hasn’t been completely unbearable. From installing plexiglass dividers in her office to placing a communal box of masks, sanitizers, and wipes by the front door, Monica remained positive when listing all the changes she and her business implemented. Because of the pandemic, more and more couples opted for elopement. Monica adapted to this change and thoughtfully decided to decorate a portion of her office for couples looking for a nice backdrop for pictures.
The pandemic pushed Liz into a “tech state-of-mind.” She was able to find an easy-to-use video system to interview couples and their family/friends which gave her the option to offer additional packages.
It would be hard to conduct a ceremony without addressing the “COVID-elephant” in the room. Jon takes time during his initial welcome speech to send love and well-wishes to guests watching via live-stream who were unable to travel due to the pandemic.
7. What advice do you have for newly engaged couples seeking to hire a wedding officiant?
Monica Abbott:
“Meet your officiant. Make sure the level of comfort and trust is there and this person understands your vision. And just because you have to change your plans [due to the pandemic], doesn’t mean you need to take away anything from the experience. We all have recently learned that life is fragile - so make it count!”
Jon Olsen:
“Look for someone that you think would be the most natural person to represent you both in front of your friends and family. Someone with whom you feel a natural rapport and can most authentically reflect your values while speaking. Additionally, I always tell couples-- for better or worse, five years after your wedding ceremony your guests will remember the officiant more than any other vendor who’s a part of your wedding. In fact, most peoples’ memories of your wedding ceremony will be shaped by the officiant. So make sure that the person representing you both will be helping build the best possible memories!”
Elizabeth Babinski:
“First, do your research! Like most vendors, there are various prices for officiants, and you really do get what you pay for. Some are shocked that my prices are quite high until they start working with me and realize there’s a huge quality difference. I’ve continually taken writing courses and have published works, though not every officiant does because not everyone’s focus is on the actual writing of a ceremony. When looking for an officiant, look into their background. Do they have experience writing? Public speaking? Or do they only use a template?
If you’re thinking of using a friend for your ceremony, be sure to set agreements in advance about who is going to write the ceremony and the time it will take. Too often I’ve received requests from couples who had to fire their friend because their friend didn’t realize how much work it is to write a wedding ceremony. Be totally upfront in the beginning to ensure it’s a commitment they can take on.”
